June 30, 2011

I'M TIRED TO PRETEND I'M OKAY WHEN IN REALITY I'M NOT

I have been kinda feeling lonely lately.
I've been feeling this certain sadness and self-pity.
I'm in a relationship but I feel alone.
I was never that kind of better-half who will not give at least a little time for my partner.
I make sure that there will never be any days that I will not text or call.
I am always about the communication.
Communication is so important to me.
Sometimes, I have this tendency to panic and worry so much and think of horrible things that might happen. I am a bit psychotic, at times, when I'm not doing anything.
Occasionally, since this semester starts, I find myself sad without any cause or particular reason.
I feel like I am kind of losing my self's worth.
wallflower.
I barely make friends. Though I have friends, I am having a hard time opening up to them.
I don't want them to see me in my most delicate moments.
I have had enough of that, exposing to other people what I really feel.
And it sucks 'cause it made me look like a weak person, a crybaby.
I don't want people to see me in pain, sad and crying out loud.
My only bestfriend, my only boyfriend and the only person whom I am overly confident to be with is always so freaking busy, he scarcely take to me and even when he does, it's either he's sleepy or tired or busy already. IT SUCKS!
The feeling sucks!
Like you still need to schedule an appointment to him before you are able to talk
or
vie with his school works so he can have time for me.
I really hate this feeling, this set-up, THIS all that is happening.

why does it have to be like this?
why?
I am getting all that I've wished for but is this the consequence?

sigh.

XX

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