November 12, 2012

ROGUE




Sometimes, I find myself lost in this valley of darkness I am in to.
Looking and applying for a job is not funny bro, the shit's not funny.
Whatever stress this job hunting I am experiencing lately might just be a snippet of how hard really life is outside school.
Days felt like weeks and weeks felt like months.
I have accept the fact that this is my fault and maybe, just maybe, this is the downside of being so lax in those times that I should be applying already.
For a moment, I have realized a lot of things.
One is, friends leave and the only friend you can rely on is yourself.
The number one reason why I didn't apply early is that I am waiting for my friends. I want us to apply together 'cause I want us to be in just one company.
We are almost 8 who applied together back then and suddenly, everything fell apart.
From 8 we became 3, from 3 we became 2.
And there are some circumstances that I feel like I should do this thing on my own already.
There are times that I am forced to lie because I am too polite to tell my friends some stuff and I don't want to make them feel that I am already doing my own thing, all by myself.
Rejection is painful especially when it is done in your face.
But you just have to shrug it off and look things on a more positive way that maybe God has something better for you.
For the past months, when I am almost losing hope and faith, I have been very godly.
Those who are brokenhearted are closer to God, they say and yes it is true.
But sometimes I stumble on the fact that nothing is happening and praying leads to nothing and I feel sorry for myself.
I feel sorry for myself 'cause I haven't achieved my goal and my ego is being affected because I see my classmates, my friends being so blessed and I kept asking God WHY?
Why is it things aren't working out the way I wanted it to be?
Why do other people get what they want and I don't get mine?
Why am I being rejected so much?
But then, I realize that God has better plans. It might not work in my own way but rather in God's way.
And maybe, just maybe, there's a much better opportunity that is coming for me.
BTW, I have been accepted in a company already but still having doubts if I will grab it but then I guess I will.
Thank you God! :)

XX

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