September 19, 2013

La Poursuite Du Bonheur

This is what I feel right now.
It feels like the world around me stopped and I was able to look at it real close.
The people around me. Those who I love. Those who I loathe.
The things that I have been doing, those I haven't done and I would like to do.
The places I would love to go to and I have been missing going in to.
The memories I always keep on remembering and those that I am trying to forget.
And most importantly, the life that I would like to live!

Am I? Really?
All this time, all I have been craving for is my happiness.
Happiness defined deeper.
Not anymore the kind of happiness that I used to describe as
shoes, clothes, gadgets and whatnot.
So I guess, this is really growing up.
More on finding yourself, looking for what makes you happy, real happy.
The search for something that would make you feel fulfilled, that certain warmth that would awaken the real passion inside of you, not just something that would give you short time happiness and the aftermath of "What now?"

Money can never define happiness. Well, that's for sure.
Take it from me who depends her happiness from money ... but not anymore.
I work for money, for the god sake of money but then it does nothing for me.
Yes, I was able to buy all of the things that I like, that I love and sometimes I don't even need,
and afterwards I always get this annoying "What now?" feeling.
I can never live with that. If I will be working for money, I want to have fun.
I don't want every single day of my life to be a freaking cycle.
Sorry, I don't settle for a routine. I want variety. I want something else, that even myself cannot even determine what and that's what hurts and worries me the most.

And yes, even the sun sets in paradise.
That's why I have decided already to leave my post.
I will take the fall.
I am still young anyway. I still have a lot of time to work for other people.
But as of now, I would like to work for myself first.
I want to enjoy my freedom. I want to enjoy the life that I used to have before.
I would like to search for what I would really like to be.
I don't want to depend on what I think would fit for me just because it is what I studied for in college.
I want to know my real passion. I want to know myself more.
And I know I wouldn't be able to do it if I will keep myself in that four walled concrete.

I am really excited.
Maybe I will continue taking pictures and all that.
I have enough money anyway to buy the lens that I have been longing for.
I will accompany my Pop, maybe, whenever he goes to Tagaytay.
Meet old friends. Visit places I am longing to visit. Have a life. A life.

No regrets.
At the end of the day, it is still my happiness that will matter.


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